The time you spend planning your wedding will be filled with tomorrow's memories. From deciding on the color of your bridesmaids' dresses to the feeling you'll have as you stumble upon your surprise shower, these are the moments you'll remember time and again. So it's only fitting that the attendants by your side be your most treasured friends and relatives.
You and your fiancé are going to rely heavily on your attendants for their support and help, and you'll also want to select people you know you can count on.
In some cases, couples may feel pressure to include a certain relative or friend in the wedding party that they don't really want. Weigh your options carefully. Can you solve the problem instead by asking those individuals to do a reading during the ceremony? Choosing someone because you're afraid of hurt feelings is not a good reason, but if the alternative will cause more trouble, it might be just worth it.
The size of your wedding party will depend somewhat on the size and style of your wedding. If you're having a large formal wedding, you'll probably want a traditional wedding party with ushers, bridesmaids, and honor attendants. If you're having a more intimate affair, you may not feel comfortable with a full entourage. Contrary to popular belief, you and your fiancé need not have an equal number of attendants, and it's perfectly acceptable to have an opposite-sex attendant if you wish.
Inviting someone to be in your wedding party is an honor, and the people you ask will be touched. But since being in a wedding party also requires a commitment of time and money, you need to be up front about what you expect. Explain the costs involved, such as attire and travel, and outline each attendant's duties. Most important, remember that your attendants will be helping you out by participating, and they need to be asked accordingly. Instead of saying, "I've decided that you'll be a bridesmaid," you might say, "Would you like to be a bridesmaid in my wedding? Your presence would mean a lot to me."
While responsibilities will differ for each attendant, typically all members of the wedding party pay for their own travel expenses and attire. The bride's attendants are expected to purchase the dress, shoes, and accessories that the bride selects. Groomsmen pay rental costs for their formal wear. Of course, the attendants should try to attend every prewedding party and certainly should be present at the rehearsal and the dinner that follows it. Here are the specific responsibilities for each role.
Before the wedding, the maid of honor's duties include coordinating the bridesmaids' activities, such as meeting for a dress fitting and organizing the bridal shower. She also helps the bride with any preparatory errands or tasks, like addressing the invitations and keeping records of all the gifts.
On the wedding day, the maid of honor helps the bride dress and accompanies her to the ceremony. She signs the marriage license as the bride's witness, arranges her veil and train during the processional and recessional, and holds her bouquet at the altar. At the reception, she dances with the best man and organizes the bridesmaids for formal pictures. Before the couple leaves for their honeymoon, she helps the bride change, and makes certain her dress and bouquet are preserved afterwards.
The best man's main role before the wedding is to organize the bachelor party. He helps coordinate the groomsmen's formal-wear fitting, picks up the groom's attire before the wedding, orchestrates the toasts at the rehearsal party, and confirms the honeymoon travel reservations the day before.
On the day of the wedding, the best man makes sure the groom gets to the ceremony site on time. He brings the bride's ring, holds the officiant's fee until after the ceremony, and signs the marriage license as the groom's witness. Afterward, he organizes the groomsmen for formal pictures, dances with the maid of honor, and orchestrates the toasts during the reception.
Finally, he makes sure the get-away car is ready, with the couple's luggage inside. After the celebration, he sees that all rented formal wear is returned.
On the wedding day, the ushers need to arrive early and promptly at the ceremony site, ready to greet and seat guests as they arrive. Any special seating arrangements should be communicated to the ushers ahead of time. When a female guest arrives, an usher should offer her his right arm and escort her to her seat, with her date or spouse following behind. Male guests may simply be led. If the bride's mother or the groom's parents won't be in the processional, ushers should seat them just before the ceremony begins (the bride's mother is always seated last).
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